***ONLY AVAILABLE AT BATTLE CAT COFFEE IN WEST ASHEVILLE, NC.***

 

 

 

Rules:

 

Each player has 10 cards in his/her hand.  Players take turns adding a card to the center pile.  Each has a word, words, or phrase which adds to a growing run-on sentence.  Is it grammatically correct? Not really.  Does it make sense. Not at all.  Just don’t be caught empty-handed or you’re screwed.

 

On the word side, 6 parts of speech all have their own colors, which in game play MUST be rotated (no repeats of colors.)

Example

 

I  walk  horny  dogs  to-the  park quickly, but the park ranger…

 

You don’t need to know this, and there are some exceptions, but here ya go:

Nouns/Pronouns - these are things, people, or ideas. You must start each round with blue.  You can only end Terror Mode with a blue. You can only win with a blue. 

Adjectives - the word “red” is actually an adjective (and the words on the Cat-Shit Terror Mode reverse sides of cards)

Verbs - Green for “go!” – verbs are what you do or feel.

Conjunctions - these connect two ideas – and/but/then/yet/because etc.

Prepositional phrases without an object– “to the” or “through a” or “within an.”

Adverbs - these describe verbs and sometimes adjectives – “quickly.”

Only 10 Rules Are:

1. Must start the round (the “sentence”) with Blue (nouns/pronouns). Move clockwise starting with the player who most recently lost his/her virginity.

2. Cannot repeat a color that was just played. IF repeating makes sense in the sentence AND it’s your only move, you may repeat and then draw a penalty card.  Cannot repeat for winning move. 

3. Shuffle and deal out 15 or so cards to each player, with the multicolor word sides facing up (do NOT peek at the all-red letter sides).  Each player gets to choose one card of each word-color to start, (if you get a blue card with “Screw You” on it, keep it!!)  That’s 7 cards.  Start with 7 in your hand.  Put the rest in the Draw Pile.

4. Players take turns putting a card in the middle of the pile and speaking it aloud.  (if there are multiple options, choose and say just one) The words or phrases form a growing sentence.  The pile can stack up, or form a rough line if you’d like to be able to read it easily.

5. You only play one card at a time.  *The one exception is black then blue.  Black and blue save you from being screwed! (See below.)

6. Each player has 5 seconds to play.  If you take longer, you lose your turn and draw a card. Same goes for if you cannot play any cards in your hand.

7. If you get “Screwed” you draw 4 cards and lose your turn.  If there are no cards to draw, you lose the round.

8. Last player to survive OR first player to run out of cards wins. Your last card MUST be a blue word card.  If it does not make grammatical sense to use a blue, you draw a card and lose your turn.  As always, the group decides what makes grammatical sense (though it CAN and SHOULD be absurd!) Strategy tip: if the next player has only one card, play black or orange to prevent them from using a winning blue (trust me, the grammar abides.  I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that.)

9. Any words/letters in parentheses are optional. A common example is: Leather(y), which lets you choose “leather” or “leathery.”  Another example is “whole(some),” which lets you use “wholesome” or “whole,” but not “some.”  Another example is Tempt(ress), which lets you use the verb “tempt” or the noun “temptress.”

Any words with slashes in between them let you choose either/or. Example: “blow (up/out)” gives you the choice of “blow” or “blow up” or “blow out”  but not just “up” or “out.” You must commit to one and speak out the chosen word(s) on the card you’re playing.   

10. Even if the sentence becomes ridiculous and makes no sense, it must make grammatical sense.  In other words, you can have “a soaking wet house makes the best toast.”  But you cannot have “a house soaking wet makes.” Anyone who tries this should lose a turn and draw a penalty card…and be ruthlessly shamed.

 

Sentencing Mode!

Use most of the same rules above, but instead of creating a pile, you create a sentence with cards in a line in the middle of the table, left to right.  Begin and end the sentence with a blue.  Acceptable color orders are based on sentence structure, so experiment.  Once you decide on color order, you lay out the first sentence.  Blacks/oranges are interchangeable. Then take 5-second turns, stacking a card on top of another card of the same color.  Speak it aloud (either the whole sentence or just a card or two, so that people can hear and react.)  

Apples fly through the unbelievable cottage cheese of the entire galaxy.

OR

Apples fly quickly through the unbelievable cottage cheese of the entire galaxy.

OR

Apples fly quickly through the unbelievable cottage cheese.

 

When you take too long or make a mistake, lose this turn and then next turn you get “sentenced” to using ONLY one color (cannot use cards already in hand.) Draw cards until you get that color AND it makes sense when you play it.

To win, either survive until the end of the card deck OR until you are down to one card – you play it by inserting the card IN BETWEEN cards in a way that makes sense.  

Screw You Cards: In this version of the game, a blue card with “Screw You” on it forces the next player to use ONLY blue.  If that player does not have a blue that makes sense, he will draw cards until he can play blue.

Cat-Shit Terror Cards: When the red cards with the words “Cat-Shit Terror Mode” appear, all players flip over all cards to other side and take 1-second turns stacking ONLY on the red pile with these words until these cards get phased out.  See above for how this mode ends.

Special Cards (PINK): Do not use these in Sentencing Mode.

Special Cards – Pink (x10)

Whatever Cards (x3) – “Whatever Dude” and “Whatever Girlfrand” and “Talk to the Hand, ‘cause the Face ain’t Listenin’”
These act like Skip cards, or Blank cards. Use these whenever and wherever.  If someone “screws you” and you use one of these, the next player gets screwed.  You cannot use these during Terror Mode or to get out of it.  You cannot use these to start a sentence or for the winning move.

Reverse Cowgirl (x3) – This is a reverse direction card. Obvi.

Go Fuck Yourself (x3) – This is a “No” card.  Use it to block yourself from “getting screwed.”  You can also play this card OUT OF TURN to block a player from using ANY special card OR to save someone from being screwed (you saint, you.) After doing so, the regular clockwise rotation begins agains FROM YOU.

Piece of Shit Human (x1) – This card lets you stop the game and steal any 2 cards from any 1 or 2 players.  You can look through everyone’s cards first. You also pick any player to skip for 2 turns.  No cards can block this card.  *However, you MUST play this card first in proper sequence, it MUST make grammatical sense, and you must read it aloud slowly.

Screw You Cards – on the Blue Cards (x10)

When someone wants to screw the next player, they use their “Screw You” card (only a few in the deck) The words “screw you” are written on some of the blue letter cards.  Someone plays that card and the next person “gets screwed” – unless of course he can “save his ass” with a black & blue combo.  

Example: We went to the mall (Screw You)

In this example the last person threw down a blue card with Screw You on it.  The next person MUST play a black and blue combo, or get screwed.  Black and blue combos are essentially the way you continue a run-on sentence. That’s the point of the game.  It’s like adding a comma, then a conjunction (“and/or/but/then/yet”) and then a noun (a person or thing), which starts a new sentence.

Example We went to the mall … and then the Gods of Cheese ……. (came and stormed the castle)

After using 2 cards (1 black card, then 1 blue card), you will need to draw 2. You just “saved your ass.”
IF the person who gets screwed only has 1 black OR 1 blue OR neither, they are truly screwed.  They draw four cards and get skipped.  If there are less than 4 cards left in the draw pile, they draw the remainder.  If there are no cards left in the draw pile, they lose the round.

Two versions: 

Refresh Variation (longer game, less chaotic) allows the person who saved his own ass to swipe away the pile of cards, but keep the blue card they just used on top, (in the example above: the Gods of Cheese) which then begins a new sentence. That player also gets to pick his favorite card from the swiped cards before shuffling them under the existing draw pile.

Trainwreck Variation (shorter game, more chaotic) keeps the center pile going for maximally shitty sentence structure… and so that the cards run out faster. In this version, you may use the black-and-blue combo as your winning move. Bam! (black then blue, if these are your last two cards.)

11. Grammar Nazi Version: (faster game, more creative) Once you master the flow of the game, this can be added onto either of the above variations. This version of the game allows you to play yet another 2-card combo (in one turn): Red-Blue. In that order.  This combo cannot start a sentence or “save your ass” from being screwed. But you CAN win with this combo (as your last move).  Reds are adjectives (descriptors), which describe nouns (people & things), which are blue.  Think of the color of first responders, or ambulances. (thank you for your service, folks!) 

Example of normal game play, without Grammar Nazi:

We went to the mall

Example with Grammar Nazi:

We went to the disgusting mall

 

Cat-Shit Terror Cards (x6 on the Red Cards)

When a red word card with the words “Cat-Shit Terror Mode” is played, it triggers Cat-Shit Terror Mode!  At this point, all players must flip over all cards in their hands, showing the opposite side (with the colorful cat silhouettes and sideways red words in ALL CAPS) They must play these totally new cards one at a time until they run out.  All the words on this side are outrageous adjectives in capitalized red letters – “BUTT-SNIFFING, COCKY, RELIGIOUS” etc.  

In Terror Mode, all order and strategy go out the window! 

Each player has only one second to place ANY Cat-Shit Terror card down while speaking or shouting it. After a player places the card, he or she draws a new card from the draw pile, returning only that new card back to the original side.  All players must fully use up and replace all of their Cat-Shit Terror cards in this way before continuing on with regular game play.   If a player  takes more than a second to place a card, he or she gets skipped and draws 2 cards.  

 

How Terror Mode Ends:
The first player to return to a hand of ALL normal-facing cards MUST use a blue card to “regain composure” and restart the normal sentence. If that player doesn't have a blue card, they draw 4 cards and lose their turn. Repeat that penalty for each player who also cannot play blue – until a player can play a blue.  If no one can play a blue, all players flip their cards so that the cards ALL face the Cat-Shit Terror Mode side once again, and the mayhem continues.  Repeat the above directions to end the mode, using a blue card. 

Depending on how long you want to play, you may either want to continue the sentence and use up all the cards, OR end the sentence when the blue card is played.  If you end it, keep only the blue card and shuffle the rest back into the draw pile, being mindful that all cards face the same way.  The blue card will start the new sentence.

In the below example, the last normal card used, a red word card with Cat-Shit Terror Mode on it,which triggers Terror Mode.  At that moment, all of the players flip over their cards and play out Terror Mode, which are the words in ALL CAPS:
We went to the mall and found *a giant…* WRITHING FUCKING DISGUSTING AWESOME SADISTIC DEPRESSING SHITSTORM OF A LOUSY BUTTLICKING MONEY-GRUBBING … school teacher